self-portrait as character in a john cassavetes movie

I really like and respect John Cassavetes. Unfortunately, I think age is making it harder for me to deal with the emotional demands his movies can sometimes make. Just to prepare for this picture, for instance, I had to talk a lot, cry, laugh, roll around on the floor, talk about why I did it, cry, scream, get slapped, take a sedative, pout, cry, laugh maniacally, get rejected, try to tear someone's hair out, take sedatives with whiskey, almost die, get hugged by someone who doesn't really love me, and then sit pensively as if accepting the inevitable pain that life has to offer. Then I took a few pictures and went off to work, where I generally end up repeating the process.