suddenly, without warning, I'm blogging my dreams

Recently I dreamed I was being tortured by "the Germans." This wasn't a WWII flashback. As far as I could tell, these Germans were acting on behalf of the current American government. The sole purpose of the torture seemed to be, well, torture.

The torture itself was almost exactly like going to the dentist. Friendly people with sterilized appearance led people back to a room where we would wait in private. Then the torturer would come in, lean us back, and start stuffing things into our mouths. They would ask questions in a German accent, but answering was impossible. The level of discomfort was identical to being at the dentist, except it was not actual dentistry. It was torture.

After having gone through it once I became determined to put a stop to it. So the next time I was greeted in the waiting room and called on back, I claimed to be a personal friend of Kofi Annan, and that they'd better watch themselves. This seemed to do the trick. When the torturer came in and leaned me back, she withheld torture in exchange for a dream-like monologue about her childhood.

Below is a non-sequitur photo of some spring wildflowers. I post the picture here to encourage people to work for peace and harmony by lying about being friends with Kofi Annan.

cold

I invited some people to my house the other night. Then the next day I opened my freezer to discover something I've never seen before: a whiskey pop. I have since rescued the bottle from this act of cruelty. It was a cold thing to do.

fragile

I think this is an ancho pepper plant. It might be a serrano, but I'm pretty sure it's the ancho. I'll know for sure if it survives and produces a pepper in about 100 months. I think I may have gotten the seeds in a little late.

You see I didn't pretty it up any for the picture.

You can find pictures of other fragile things here.

sisters

While you may look at these lovely ladies and think they're backup singers for Prince, they're actually a group of sisters gathering at a spot along the river they all shared many years ago. My friend was enlisted to take pictures using every camera they brought along, while I snuck a few from the side. When I'm their age(s) I hope: 1. to be alive and 2. to be hanging out with my siblings on a nice Spring day.

Below is another view of their river.

far from home

This ladybug was roaming along the concrete high on a dam. Of course, I was too, and so were dozens of other ladybugs. I guess the difference between me and the bugs is that they're never far from home (well, that's one difference). They just happen to be wherever they are. Home is where the edible bacteria is.

today's post . . .

. . . bird pictures. Yeah baby.

Like this deadly heron dive-bombing an innocent duck.

Or one of the rare masked chomping cardinal.

Or the innocent heron evading the deadly duck.

bc vs ac

That's "before Canon" and "after Canon," as in a new camera. Here's a before, an announcement that Spring is definitely here, using my digital Pentax:

Here's another sign of the season using the new camera:

Obviously, the older camera has a lot of blue, while the new camera is more reddish. Oh well. I guess learning to use them is the part that makes a difference. For the time being, though, I'm telling myself that having a little and a big will come in handy.

emotions

This person is either
A) having an emotional outburst
B) suffering a coronary episode
C) pretending to be Ginger Baker
D) posing for a photo friday picture

cue dragnet theme

Since I've lived in this house I've gotten several legal notices that have appeared to show varying degrees of seriousness addressed to someone who doesn't live here. One time the County Constable came by looking for him. His name doesn't show any relation to the previous owners, so I know they're not looking for them. I figure it's probably someone who provided a false address and is essentially living on the lam. Of course, the previous owners may have harbored a fugitive, or he could be holed up in the dilapidated shed out back (posing convincingly as a raccoon).

I'm always tempted to open his mail to investigate further since it presents such a mystery. Still, I'm sure if I ever found out why they're after the guy it will be a let down. After all, if it were a truly glamorous or scandalous crime, they would have kicked in my front door by now. So I picture a guy who wrote some hot checks or neglected his childcare payments living in relative and parasitic anonymity in some friend's apartment. But if they ever haul me off and force me to prove I'm not him, I'm going to hope it's for something positively gangster.

found object

This is a photo friday picture. I found the bracelet a couple of years ago after moving into my house. I kept it because it seemed to contain so many stories. Who is PFC Cochran and what happened to him? He went missing in action, but is there a chance he's still around somewhere? And what about the story of the bracelet? Someone must have cared enough to display it at some point, but then how did it end up hanging from a nail in a garage? For me it also serves as a cultural relic, a remote symbol of the past, though I'm sure there are those for whom it remains very present.

separation anxiety

Every time I let my tarantula out he wants right back in. They're so silly that way.

If you'd like more information on keeping these as pets, please seek counseling.

the good life

"Happiness," says Aristotle, "must be some form of contemplation."

I spent much of an afternoon reading and reflecting on this. Then I ordered and devoured a gargantuan pizza.

The tangerine, by the way, is in no immediate danger of being eaten.

surreal

I had a literary interpretation of this photo challenge theme. True, it's probably the least surreal thing he wrote, but I don't have a copy of Naked Lunch.

snow day

For those faithful readers of this blog (namely me), you (I) will recall that a couple of posts ago I said, in a seemingly sarcastic tone, that it would snow sometime between the springlike weather we were having and the inevitably sweltering weather to come. Well, I was right. So in your (my) face!

The almost freshly fallen snow in my backyard.

This one was from taking the long way to work

fuzzy

Another sign of Spring on a very unspringlike day.

weeds

Since I don't know what this flower is called, I have to assume it has no name. But it is one of the signs that Spring is here, at least for a few days, after which it will freeze, then rain a little, then warm up, then snow. Then we will have a week of Spring followed by five months of intense heat. So I'm enjoying the no-name flowers while I can.

new look

Inspired by a friend and a keeping-up-with-the-jones delusion, I have changed the look of this blog. I mention it in the event that nobody notices.

To commemorate this event, here is a random picture of doves. I found them to be both beautiful and delicious.

art

"True art is born from suffering." - Heidegger. Or Kierkegaard. Or one of those kinds of guys, probably.

Anyway, I know I suffered to get this picture, but I think my bathroom project suffered the most.

infinity

This is a photofriday submission for the theme "infinity." Representing infinity reminds me of the joke about having a state map that's actual size. I like the spiral because it invites the imagination to keep following the lines, which is about all we can do regarding infinity.

Disclosure: I'm pretty sure I've used this picture on this blog before. I reserve the right to use it infinitely.

with apologies . . .

. . . a deceased pet poem.

Mutt

No one really got you.
“What breed is that?”
we’d hear, or even
“that dog’s crazy.”

Complex is more like it.
You could be aloof,
affectionate, antsy,
obedient, devious,
curious, oblivious,
gluttonous, generous,
ebullient, eager, lazy -
thrilled to be alive.

And you always
smelled pretty good.
At least until the end,
when your own cells
rebelled against the
demands of cleanliness.

Maybe that’s what
finally did you in:
a gene pool too rich
for its own good.

Your blueprint of self
possessed a degree
of individuation
incompatible with
this picky world.

So somewhere in
your saga of
molecular independence
you stopped being you,
and with such short notice
became part of the rest.

what is that?

Well, obviously it's a donut on a pine tree. Duh!

This is who wants to know.

my autobiographies

I read here about a book that collects six word autobiographies from people. To be clear, exactly six words. Just like that last sentence was. Oh my God, that one too!

Anyway, I was compelled to come up with some, but as you'll see I'm not so good at the sort of true encapsulations that are really called for here. The article referenced above has much better examples, but for the time being this is what I've got.

Fiber: not just for breakfast anymore.

A new year, another awkward phase.

Rejection letter: this is a story?

If only chicks dug back hair.

Some promise. Some results. Oh well.

Five stories - you be the judge. You, reader, go and do likewise.

the machine

Thank God I have the right to use this for quail hunting.

Sadly, it's not mine, but from an airshow.

roadside attraction

Rumley, TX.
Population: one dead tree

mountain

My mountain is largely figurative, referring to what I had to climb to complete a project last summer. Okay, not entirely figurative. Now people tell me they're impressed, to which I reply, "it was harder than it looks."

Below is the proud builder surveying his handiwork in a civilized manner.

inca doves

My bird book describes these doves like this: "Inca Doves are characterized by their acute paranoia, which manifests itself by the appearance of ingratitude. You give them copious amounts of food out of pure altruism, and they gorge on it like an entitlement fallen from Heaven; then, upon catching the slightest glimpse of you, they scatter, distrusting you to the core despite everything you've done for them. Perhaps they flatter themselves into believing you want to eat them, even though they are half the size of the juicier and slower moving Mourning Dove. Besides scavenging for handouts, their hobbies also include reproduction and excretion."

passage of time

One dying tree, one losing its leaves, the sun going down, the clouds rolling through, me cold and hungry - you get the picture.

best of '07

This is a photo friday contribution. I don't know if this is really the best picture, but I remember it being a particularly good day walking around San Francisco Bay, and I'm including in this fond memory the hour or so spent on a packed bus.

happy holidays

For those of you who didn't get what you exptected from Santa, it's because he spent Christmas morning passed out near Gatesville.

The title of this picture is "Picking Up Pecans with a South Wind on Christmas Afternoon in America."

And here is Christmas Day Eve.

sunrise

This is an older picture. I can't remember exactly when it was taken, but I'm sure the birds must have been shocked to see me at that hour.

goodbyes

I guess I'm just now understanding how hard it is to say goodbye to old friends. As I go through old photos I see that this dog, Chumpy, had a pretty good life, though above she appears to be having one of her melancholy moments. This was from my first day with a new camera. I have frequently resisted the temptation to photograph the same convenient subjects over and over, but now I think that there are some things you can never have too many pictures of.

dead of night

Sleep my precious.

travel

Despite being on the road this week, I decided that my "travel" picture would come from the archives. Taken on a trip of people on their own trip. I suspect the elephant moves faster than some interstate traffic.

strength

I thought this might inspire me to come up with a good strength-related axiom, like "the plunger is mightier than the . . . " I don't know. And if only it were true.

I used an extra grainy development process that creates the illusion of a dirty floor.

silence

the city

This is my response to the photo friday challenge of "the city." I realize that it would be more appropriate for "the town," or "this particular town," but here it is in all its touched-up splendor. Around the corner the birds were perched tail out, waiting for the townspeople to try and pass unscathed. The one here was showing a little mercy, or maybe just playing sentry.

web master

Here's the latest addition to my collection.

real life

I went out the other day looking for pictures of real life, and I really couldn't find anything that was all that real, except for maybe reality. I mean, really. I decided that sometimes real life means having to cheat a little. So here it is, real life as I imagine it.

my middle name

Someone has asked me to use the letters of my middle name to list facts about myself. To which I replied, "damn it." But having given it a little more thought, it follows forthwith. In the photo, by the way, Hypocrisy and Vanity refer to my dogs' middle names.

Morning. There is a quote from Thoreau - "morning is when I am awake and there is a dawn within me" - which I wish to amend with "following a period to include at least one entire cup of coffee and a whole host of bodily functions."

Acrostics. This listing with the letters of a word is acrostics. I once wrote a very bad seminar paper in acrostics, and had the good fortune (or was it knowledge) to take a professor who didn't read these papers.

Tull. I've recently been getting back in touch with my progressive/folk rock roots thanks in part to youtube.

Tonsils. Still got 'em.

Haberdasher. I've often thought that if I ever opened a retail business, it should trade in something I can use.

Epicurean. The more I've read about Epicurus the more I think I must be one too. Plus, I've had some coffee called the "epicurean blend" - see "morning" above.

Wiggly. I keep getting distracted by this dog under my feet. Shame on you Wiggly Vanity!

I believe I've covered it, but I'm sure someone will let me know if I've skipped a letter.

voyeurs

It's not paranoia if you're actually being watched. I discovered a couple of spies recently, and though they live on opposite sides of the house I was tempted to introduce them to each other. But I've left them alone thinking they can't possibly be very interested in me.

comfort

Comfort is what's on the inside. The cup, that is. Still, it's nice to have a good vessel, and I like this one. The maker of the cup also has a website.

It's good I got such a large mug, because I tend to be a "glass 20 percent empty" kind of person.